(Thanks Chris Brogan for inspiring this post's title and for some thoughts that helped me bring this post full circle.)
Last week, there was just a little too much.
A little too much griping from people who told me that they didn't like something I wasn't in control of.
A little too much work that was put on my plate.
A little too much frustration.
And finally, the "little too much" of everything turned into way too much and I fell apart.
(Ahh internet. It is painful to write things so truthful!)
Enter my wonderful husband. When he saw that this little too much had indeed turned to way too much, he (strongly) encouraged me to find something to unwind and get my butt over to a hot yoga class that night.
So I did. I took my fully ruffled, not-so-pretty self over and settled in for a full 90 minute hot yoga class. My internet dialogue went a little something like this.
Minute 3: Uh. Come on people, enough with the deep breathing. I need to get a workout here.
Minute 5: Good grief, it is hot as hell in here!
Minute 6: This is incredibly boring.
Minute 6.5: That girl has a cute top on...
Minute 8: Why am I possibly holding one position for this long?
Minute 9: Dear sweet lord, please tell me I am not REPEATING the last position for another minute!!
Minute 11: I am pretty close to the door. I could probably leave quietly.
You get the drift. It was not my most shining moment. However, I'm proud to say I didn't walk out and once I actually let myself slow down long enough to stop looking at the clock, stop looking at other people, and close my eyes as I focused on the poses, it was actually a pretty amazing next hour and a half. There were three major things I realized (and not just about yoga.)
1. I move way too fast from one thing to the next.
2. Deep breathing actually does work wonders in calming you down.
3. I pay way too much attention to the people and things around me.
I want to focus on the last point - this was as lightbulb moment for me...Paying attention to the things and people around you is, of course, on the surface, not a bad thing. I would say (and hope it's true!) that I'm a pretty conscientious person and aware of other people, their feelings, and understanding that I'm not the only person in any given equation. My awareness about the things around me helps me to be sensitive to other people and, in a work environment, understand that my work is only a small piece of a larger puzzle.
However.
My awareness of people and the things around me is also what makes it so that it's very hard for me to remain grounded during the day and not let my mood be radically swayed by all the ups and downs that are happening around me. While I think we should certainly be aware of the things around us, it's equally important to find ways to stand grounded and "protect our inner peace." (My priest used to say this to me years ago and it's stuck with me.) Finding this place internally allows us to continue on in being productive and positive despite the ups and downs that may be happening around us.
This doesn't mean that I will shut myself off from the things going on around me. But it does mean that I have to understand that I am the only one who control the way I allow the external things in my life to affect the way I feel. I want to be aware and present in the things going on around me, but at the end of the day, I want to be anchored in gratefulness and positivity so that I am not so easily swayed by what is happening around me.
"The biggest realization that came out of 9/11 for me was that nobody was coming to save me (us). I mean this in a gazillion ways. My company’s HR department couldn’t care less about my career development. No one at all would ultimately be responsible for my happiness, but myself. All of this came crashing into reality for me because of 9/11.
You are your own superhero. No one has to save you. You don’t have to say “if only.” You just have to do the work. Do you need to make more money? Then start working on that. Do you need to lose weight or get healthy? Today’s the day.
Superheroes are part of a very powerful mythology that says this: you’re not strong enough, so some outside force will have to come and help you"
That is, unless YOU are the superhero. "
This week, I'm taking this idea to heart. Only I can control the way that I let "a little too much" become "way too much" and start to eat away at me. Only I can control the work that I do. And only I can control the way that I choose (or don't choose) to ground myself and go through each day with a deep sense of peace and gratefulness.
Today we can each choose to be our own superhero. And we can choose to find whatever it is we need - peace or patience or acceptance or joy -if we look within ourselves.
