A New Year (just a little late.)

February 1 really felt like my New Year this year.

New Year's Eve is great and all but life circumstances had me feeling very much in limbo when January 1 rolled around. Though I was certainly happy to celebrate a New Year, I just didn't quite have the feeling of a fresh start.

We also had a 1o day cruise planned for a family vacation that we left for on January 12th so life seemed to crawl along in anticipation for that. When we arrived home though, things with my job situation got wrapped up (more on that in the coming weeks) and I felt like I had finally recharged and gotten a fresh start.

So you'll have to pardon the fact that this post is coming already a month into the New Year...but for me, this was when I finally had the energy to look ahead to this next year.

Thanks to Lesley's blog (someone I went to college with whose blog I absolutely LOVE) as well as Chris Brogan, I stole the idea of choosing three words to guide me in 2012. I like this idea so much better than New Years Resolutions because it's not a quick-fix that will only end up providing a short lived change in a habit. (Habits are symptoms after all, not the root of a lot our problems.)

If you haven't done this, I challenge you to come up with three words of your own (and no, it's not too late!) So, without further adieu, here are my three words for 2012.

1. Patience. Life is full of changes right now, both big and small. As eager as I am for things to keep moving along according to what I think my time table should be, right now patience is the main thing I need. I want everything to have been figured out yesterday (at the latest.) So although things may not (who am I kidding, definitely WON'T) all happen according to my tidy little plan, I'm going to try to take a deep breath and be ok with that. I'm also going to try keep the nagging feeling my lists aren't complete to a minimum, and trust that as I keep chipping away at things, they will fall into place.

2. Gratitude. This goes along with patience. When you're always impatient and looking ahead to the next thing coming it's pretty easy to get so preoccupied with living in tomorrow that you aren't thankful for the present day. For as long as I can remember, this has been something I struggle with. So this year, I'm making a concerted effort to be thankful not only for all the blessings I have, but also for the stage of life I'm in. Regardless of what's coming down the pipeline tomorrow, I don't ever want to look back on this time of my life and realize that I wasn't even present for it. So this year, I'm going to try to combat my impatience waiting for the future with uncomfortable amounts of gratitude for the present. :)

3. Grace. Grace is a tricky word - it means a lot of things to a lot of different people, and it creeps into every area of our life. I'm going to try to practice grace in when curve ball situations come up and extend grace to others even if I might feel frustrated or not understand where they're coming from. I'm going to try to be more willing to accept the grace others extend to me and be mindful of the grace I'm given in life each day. And lastly, I'm going to try to practice giving myself a little grace now and then. (I'm getting anxious just thinking about all this...)

What are YOUR three words?

Fear & Gratitude.

There are a lot of people I care about right now who are hurting.

I know, I know. There are ALWAYS so many people in this world hurting. But lately it's seemed that the circles I run in have been filled with people who are suffering. Dealing with stuff that's big...Cancer, having a parent die, divorce, babies who don't get to stay with us in this world after they are born. At certain points, it is enough to make me want to pull the covers over my head and drown out the tragedies of life with ice cream and bad reality tv because how in the world can we possibly find an appropriate response to the suffering we see?

Sending over dinner or leaving a card in their mail box doesn't seem like enough when their world seems to, quite literally, be falling apart. But then, even if we're doing our best to support those dealing with tragedy by simply listening and being the best friend we know how to be, in enters fear.

Though it makes me cringe to admit it, when I hear about someone getting cancer at the age of 30, all of a sudden I wonder if that's going to be my husband or me. When I hear about a miscarriage or a child who gets cancer, it's hard to not to wonder if one day, that might be my own child. When a spouse loses his wife with young children at home, how can I possibly not wonder what I would do if that were me one day?

It was this morning when I found myself in tears after hearing some difficult news from a friend, that I decided in the face of suffering so many people I care about are facing, I will not only practice compassion but also practice gratitude.

Not ignorance, not fear. Gratitude.

It seems the only appropriate response. The fear of bad things happening to good people is real and founded and certainly possible. And yet, things like cancer and earthquakes and freak car accidents are also out of my control and worrying certainly isn't going to change that. It's also certainly NOT going to help those who I care about during a tough time.

Practicing gratitude while others are hurting isn't selfish, or ignorant and it is probably the best I can do to serve those I care about. I want to love and support people who are suffering around me the very best I know how to, but I'm not making the world any better by walking around in a messy tangle of fear and sadness.

We're supposed to have empathy and compassion for others who are hurting, and practicing gratitude certainly doesn't mean numbing ourselves to that pain and being ignorant. But it does mean that after the tears and sadness, I will try to make sure that each thought of fear is measured with an equal breath of gratitude for what exists today.

2012. And a few notes about my lists.

It's been two months since I last blogged.

And while I won't be one of those people who apologizes for her absence in writing (it seems a little self important to me? right?) I am indeed a little sad that I haven't been around much lately in this corner of the world.

The truth is that these days it feels like there are too many things to write about. Where to start? There are too many wonderful blogs I've stumbled upon. How can I be as fun and cute and interesting as everyone else?

There are too many lists. How can I sit down to write when my list of "must do's" currently has enough items to fill the next two years?

There will always be too much though. So, I'm just gonna pick up where I left off.

The last two months have been filled with a lot of wonderful moments. A wonderful Christmas Party, flying to Chicago for Christmas, a ten day cruise with my family (pictures in a future post to come) and some other really wonderful, simple times of happiness.

But as the momentum of life picks up after the new Year though, I've been struggling with a nagging feeling that all the things on my list (both daily, practical list AND life goal list) will probably never be complete. (Scratch that...I know the lists will never be complete and there will always be more to do.)

About 3 months ago, I took the Strengthsfinder 2.0 test. (If you haven't taken it, I think it's a MUST and you can find it here.) It identifies your top strengths and helps you understand how to take advantage of these areas.

My Number 1 Strength? Discipline.

Yup. Discipline. BORING. After this revelation and sharing it with a few folks in my work circle and my family, the mocking commenced (and hasn't really stopped!) Nonetheless, I've been told Discipline is a strength helpful in a number of different situations.

Unless you're a Discipline girl and you love Pinterest.

While most normal people know how simply browse and enjoy Pinterest, Pinterest has just turned into another To-Do list for me.

To Do: Become a Domestic Goddess overnight and cook endless amounts of healthy meals. Always from scratch.

To Do: Redecorate every square inch of my house so that it resembles a Pottery Barn catalogue but all DIY of course so you can brag that everything was a fraction of the cost. (But about 1000 times the amount of work.)

To Do: Purchase a whole new wardrobe that matches all of my style boards and of course a new closet full of shoes that are both expensive and uncomfortable but nonetheless make me look like I walked out of an Anthropologie Catalogue.

All this inspiration has creeped its way into my thoughts and also made me realize that these lists...they're never gonna go away. And life is too short to not be able to enjoy silly things like Pinterest and beautiful cookbooks and window shopping without letting them turn my brain to one long to-do list.

As Chris so gently reminded me last week...everything doesn't have to have been done yesterday.

So, while I'm refraining from creating any more lists of resolutions for 2012, I do have a lot of big dreams in mind for the year. I'll just try to work on those things with a little more patience, a little more grace, and of course, a little inspiration from Pinterest. :)